Dear, dad

Dear dad,
I am writing this letter on a balloon,
and I will later fly it in the air.
so I am not sure if you will receive my feelings
Through the sky…
If you do, great; if you don’t, okay.

– Just because you are gone does not mean
I am not  moving forward
Just because you are not in my life does not mean
I don’t miss you
Just because mom hates does not mean
I do.
I am trying not to turn around, but the truth
Is, I have already fell backwards
Your absence affects my life more than you think.
How can you leave a fatherless child to
Live with a torn heart?
The fact that I know you are not coming back,
Kills me mentally
The fact that you haven’t seen me in many years
Hurts me emotionally, but
The disappearance of you is physical, it is still surreal for me, and it hurts.

I am angry! I don’t know whom I am angry with
But it burns like the fire in the woods
It pounds in my head like the rhythm of drums
And it’s noticeable like the lies Pinocchio told
Because alI have left of you is my existence.

I understand you are well gone and have erased me out of your memories; that’s okay
Because now that I am older,
dad is spelled M-O-M.
I still want you to know I love you
But, mom is no longer a liar nor a substitute
She is you.
So I therefore, love you both.
I do, I do.

-Sincerely, me. A piece of you.

Copyright© Kiah-kay Holman, 2015


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