Heart of the cousin

I remember after my cousin graduated high school, how hungry she was to dance
But when she applied at a performing arts college,
They turned her down not giving her one chance.
I can still remember her disappointed face
Sitting in her room with no more dreams to chase
No goals to maintain
No hope, it was just insane.
I remember when I encouraged her to forget the school and just dance more
She said “how can I do something I no longer adore”
That school just had her torn.
I just don’t understand, I never seen one
Want something so bad, for so long
And give up as quickly as one can.
I remember when I used to design her costume
For her performances, I always told her she was so beautiful, she looked like the queen of Africa
No matter what, she always danced even when things go too tough
But I’ll never forget how much she practiced and rehearsed. The rehearsals went on forever
I always said she danced like the voice of Tina Turner, ever so
Strong, bold and beautiful
To me, It was like a natural miracle.
But then there was this one time
When she and I were driving
She ran a red light and crashed
And her right leg was completely smashed.
After the incident, she thought it was a good idea to try and dance again
But her knee was too weak and it gave out, so she cried and Cried and cried.
Until she found out she was accepted into
The performing art school
Seems as if they had changed their mind.
I said “Seriously? Go on and dance” she said “no, It’s too late”
I won’t forget how unhappy she was
She went out one day and came back happy,
body covered in rain, feet covered in mud.
She kissed me on the cheek and said
God has a plan for me, he said he will take my leg brace off and I’ll be able to dance for eternity.
He promised me”
I thought she had went to church and was prayed for but she didn’t
because I know that she is just one of those people who wants more.
I remember her going into the bathroom and closing the door
She was literally in there hours of four.
I knocked on the door no response
I call her name and phone
Still she ignored me lots.
I picked the locked and opened the door
There I seen spilled pills and her lying
On the floor.
I called 911
They came but they told me she’s gone
I guess god told her to come home
But now, I can only visit her
When she’s under a stone.
I remember seeing her pale, cold face in her casket
She looked so relaxed
I couldn’t help but to think how much of my happiness she took with her when she packed.
When I stood in front of her casket, I spoke my last goodbye
It was also my last tear because I could no longer cry.
I pulled out a photo of the two of us and
Placed it on her heart
Her heart of art
Her heart of soul
Her heart in bold
I bent over and kissed her cheek and said
“Dance like the wind and be happy again
I’ll see you soon, until then I’ll see your face
Through the moon. I love you.”
And now that she’s gone, I’ll carry on her spirit
And I’ll dance to the lyrics.


Copyright©Kiah-kay Holman, 2015


3 thoughts on “Heart of the cousin

  1. I Honestly love it! I can only imagine how the felt when she was accepted. I can feel how the girl felt when her cousin comitted suicide. But this was very inspirational for thise who want to achieve something such as myself. I want to say thanka alot of your poems are helping me believe it or not. Alone, rise above beneath, gay pride, over coming stupidity and storm storm dark. I can honestly say with out your poetry, i’m getting by with life. Now I know im not alone. You’ve also helped me see my own beauty. THANK YOU THANK YOU! I love your writing. Please write more. Make someone else feel brought like you have done for me.

    Liked by 1 person

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