Fire of the lord

Today I was in church, the preacher’s words really spoke to me I closed my eyes and I came to a dim thought.
‘Oh my good lord, how I have sinned.
How I am so sorry’.
The only person that see’s me sin is god.
All these years I thought I was getting away, never would I have thought that he would punish me.

I feel the word of the preacher crawling up my ankles, stabbing threw my skin, like cleats in the dirt
Stretching to my knees, causing my legs to shake.
Then the crawling began to feels like footprints, only heavier and faster, like a big rat on the street.

It went between my thighs were I have sinned.
I felt the sharpest pain jab me in my belly button on the inside,
where someone was once apon a time ago attached.

Why has god betrayed me?
It goes up and out of my nose, where I have also sinned I stopped breathing.
I was unable to breathe through my nose.

It came out and back in through my hands, where I have sinned again, numbing my hands.
It came out again and went back in thru my left eye
and exiting thru my right, causing me to go blind.
It entered me once more through my right ear
Exiting through my left, causing me to go deaf.

He has taken all of my senses away
All I can do is experience.
Experience pain he feels thru my body.

Just then,

I suffocate and fall down.
I feel fire something is hot.
My back side is tingling, sizzling and my hair feels as if on fire.
My backside down to my toes are burning.
I crack open my eyes
I see black room with a tiny light
I see fire.
Red, orange and blue.
Could I have died and he sent me to the devil’s sanctuary?

All of the unprotected sexual intercourse causing the abortions I have had, drugs I have snorted, triggers I have pulled, scream of terror i’ve heard and crimes I have witnessed, I have never thought blessed anyone or myself with help.

Oh my good lord I have sinned all of my life.
My good lord, bless me again with another chance.
How much more hurt, guilt and sorrow can I feel?

Just when I thought it was over
Something on my backside, just above the kidneys, just below the lungs, right in the middle of my back rib cage began to ache.
Pulling my skin outward, causing more sweat.
Something emerges out of me

I began to float.
Im am being uplifted.
I open my eyes, my sight is back
I listen for god’s voice, my hearing has returned.
I put my hands to my heart to feel the beat, my feeling has returned
I put my nose in the air to smell the beautiful garden, my breathing is back.

When I came back to life,  he placed me in the preacher’s chair and all I could do was clap.

All of the small and large things I was blessed with has been taking advantage of and taken away from me.
Even if you don’t go to church every day
… a personal message from the lord
He says “all I want is a thanks”.
A personal message from me
“It hot in hell,please don’t fall. Because truth may be the only safe ground to stand upon”

Copyright© Kiah-kay Holman, 2015


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